When “Because I Said So” No Longer Works

by Kim Brewster

Congratulations, you’ve implemented the EDGE process for your email inbox at work: delete, do it, delegate or defer. How about the same implementation for your home email inbox? Taking it a step further, would those same steps apply to your home processes with family members?

If you are a mom, dad or someone with perceived authority over children, you most likely have encountered the whiney question, “Why do I have to do it?” For awhile perhaps your reply, “Because I’m the Mom (Dad), and I said so” was sufficient.

At some point maybe your request for action was met with, “You’re not the boss of me.” Now you have arrived at a defining moment in your child’s development where you can agree and reply, “Correct – you are the boss of you, but being a boss comes with responsibility.”

Getting action items completed by self-absorbed teens (and maybe the spouse as well) requires the same steps as processing your email inbox. A few items of clothing on the floor – two minutes tops to complete the pick-up. Resort to the Nike motto if necessary: “Just do it!” School project due in two weeks – possibly deferred for a few days. Typically something qualifying as a parent “to do” but benefiting a child old enough to take responsibility – delegate it to the child.

The more you can instill these processes at home and demonstrate that you use and benefit from them as well, the more your “observers” will notice. And they observe and listen to everything, as you well know if you have ever accidently uttered an expletive, believing there was no audience within earshot.

How will you know when the 4Ds are working at home? When your child issues a request and says, “But mom, you can do it in less than 2 minutes!”